I haven’t been on in AGES. o___o

My little asian boy necklace ㅅ.ㅅ (Taken with instagram)

Fairy tale endings… (Taken with instagram)

Just laying in bed, no sleep since the night before. Eating my white powder doughnut and sipping on my vanilla monster with coffee. The rain is pouring lightly, just barely enough for me to hear as it hits the leaves of the tree that’s right outside my window. Sigh. I wish I had one of those windows that you could sit at, the ones that popped out. I love those. Or just a bench at my window and no screen on my window. I want to reach out my hand and feel the water. I want to be warm and cold at the same time. I’m just sitting here. Eating, drinking in thoughts of you. You’ll be starting your day soon, if you haven’t already. You’re usually waking up around now. I can’t help but smile picturing you sleep caressed, your hair tossed a little. You’ll be going to class today. In a few hours, really. You’ll probably talk to and smile and laugh with people. I must admit, I’m jealous of them. I’ve never been jealous much, always thought it was a waste of time and energy. But I’m jealous of the people who get to see you and spend time with you. Even if it’s just a second. They get to see your beautiful face, your wonderful smile and hear the laughter that would be music to my ears simply because it’s yours. Sigh. Sigh. And sigh again.

Taken with instagram

I’m tired and uninspired, with editing and with everything else in life. For now, goodbye.

I always knew that me falling for you was pointless. That nothing would come of it. But even so, I think I somehow thought or hopped that at some point you might develop feelings for me too. At times it seems that way, but I can never tell with you. I usually can read people so well, but you’re a complete mystery to me. That may be due to the fact that you won’t let me in, even with us being so close. And I was told, by someone so close to you you could say they know you like the back of your hand, that you cared a great deal for me. Maybe that’s where the hope come from. 

Then to hear that you met someone and could be possibly interested in them, I’m sure you can imagine the disappointment that sunk in my chest.

Ahh, what a silly girl I am. Always falling for the unattainable. And yet, I’ve never wanted something or someone as badly as I do you. The heart wants what the heart wants. I know the fall out will be heavy and painful, but I’ll be expecting it. It’s the price I pay for caring you as much as I do. And that is a great deal.